A Ninja in Fool's Clothing
by Monks1
Summary: A ten year old Naruto fooling around where he shouldn't leads him to hear the identity of his parents.  What do you do when you're the son of the most hated man in the Elemental Nations?  Hide it and play the fool.  1st person, no pairings yet.
1. Only The Stupid Die Young

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. What is not Kishimoto, Alex?**

**Summary: Ever hear something you aren't supposed to? A ten year old Naruto fooling around where he shouldn't leads him to hear the identity of his parents. What do you do when you're the son of the most hated man in the Elemental Nations? Hide it and play the fool.**

**A story where Naruto is smart enough to change his ways, applies himself to correct his flaws, and scared enough to make sure that unlike his parents, he wasn't going to die young. Naruto is decidedly OOC from cannon. I don't think I could write first person Naruto as in character… here, Naruto will just be acting the fool. If you don't like that (and I think most people do like when Naruto isn't a complete moron) then you don't have to read. **

**I would say no flames, but heh, who am I kidding? BTW, I deleted all my old stories. Man, did they suck… do not let fourteen year olds write fanfiction.**

111

It was supposed to be a simple prank, hide in the crawlspace above the Hokage's desk, and at the right moment, drop down and scare the crap out of the old man. Maybe hit him with a few eggs that I had brought with me at the same time.

I didn't think I would be hearing something like _this_.

Just when I was about to leap out of my hiding spot for the prank, a grizzly old guy walked into the Hokage's office like he owned it. His hair was spiky white and unkempt, his funny clothes smelled, even from where I was hiding, like he hadn't washed them for days. It smelled like all the bars that people kept kicking me out of, and something else my young mind couldn't place. Although the red vested man was strange, he wasn't going to interrupt my plan of getting the old man.

Then I caught a few words of the conversation, and my breath caught in my chest in surprise, as I realize that they were talking about _me_!

A fist slammed heavily on the desk, yet somehow it didn't break, as the tall old guy glared at the Hokage, "Naruto needs to be trained, Sarutobi-jiji! You know it as well as I do. The boy has huge potential as a ninja, he just needs to unlock it."

The Hokage took a long drag from his pipe as I squinted down at them, heart beating quickly, excited to hear this obviously secret conversation. Special training for me? I was definitely in! Then I would show that Sasuke bastard who was boss when we sparred again in class! Then Sakura would go out with me and… distracted by my daydream, I almost missed all of the Hokage's reply.

"…stay in the village, I would happily allow you to train him, Jiraiya."

Score! Training for me!

But to my surprise, Jiraiya, who I had already been sizing up as a potential teacher, just snorted. "As if." The man said haughtily, "You know the village puts a major dampener on my cool. I got to be on the move. Let him come with me, already! He should have been with me since he was a baby. I'm his godfather."

God… father? If that hadn't been a big enough shock, what came next almost sent me crashing down to demand answers.

"Minato would not want his son to leave the village," The old man replies sharply, "Not only is it not safe, the son of the Fourth Hokage belongs in Konoha, he should be raised here."

"Raised to die like his father? Or his mother?" Jiraiya challenged, while I could only lay in shock above the two who were unaware of my presence. The dusty crawlspace was dark and musty, I held back the absentminded sneeze that threatened to surface. As much as I wanted answers, I didn't want to be caught anymore. This conversation… I wasn't supposed to hear this conversation.

"Rock, Lightning, Sand, Grass." The Hokage lists, angered by Jiraiya's casual barb, "Not to mention Mist and Rain as well for his mother. The last Namikaze and the last Uzumaki. I almost considered giving him another family name at birth. If Naruto leaves this village, and if his presence and name spread into the world, it will be the end of him. You are not trustworthy enough, Jiraiya. I know you will not be able to resist letting the boy run wild in some unknown village while you take care of your vices."

Jiraiya scowls, "You're wrong. I can change, for him. I see the way the villagers, and even the ninja, look at him. They want nothing to do with him. The last Uchiha is showered with praise and training while the son of the village's hero is left alone, because of what he is."

"If that's truly how you feel," The older man shoots back quickly, "Then remain in the village. Train him to your heart's desire."

"And let you rope me into becoming Hokage while I'm at it?" The vested man turns away, "No thanks. I'll be back for him, old man. Keep him safe and train him up to the point where he can do more than pull useless pranks. Then I'll make him everything his parents would want him to be."

Before the Hokage could reply, Jiraiya had left, slamming the door behind him and moving far out of my view from the small crawlspace and the crack I was looking through. It had been something cool I had found whilst creeping around the old man's office. Something to surprise him with, though he probably already knew about it.

For two hours, I laid completely still, watching the old man silently, debating about whether or not I should go down, to confront him, to demand information… I don't think I had ever sat still for so long.

After several more boring meetings and a lot of paperwork, the old man left the room. I didn't know where he was going, and I didn't really care. I pulled the handle of the panel that led up to the spot open and leapt down, landing like a cat, just like we had learned in the academy. Dusty, dirty, and tired, I went home.

As always, I felt the stares of the villagers on me, and as always, when I moved to meet their gazes, they turned away, as if they hadn't been looking at me. It was always the same. Iruka-sensei always tried to persuade me to wear a color other than orange. I could probably find other clothes to wear, especially if I perused the right dumpsters at the right time, but orange was such a glaring color, it forced people to look at me. It made them meet my eyes, if even for a second of bewildered wonder that a ninja trainee would wear orange... that made it worth it.

Sitting in that crawlspace for so long gave me a lot to think about. People thought I was stupid because I was loud, because I said stupid things to get attention… I don't think I'm that stupid. I just couldn't be bothered with things that I didn't like, or were too hard for me to get right away. Jiji always told me I was very smart for my age when I was younger, even though he didn't say it much anymore now. I guess my grades from the academy were a surprise to him.

It was kind of surprising for me, too. I didn't think the academy would be such hard work. It had been a few years of boring lectures and physical training so far. There were a lot of written tests and reading assignments. I was a pretty good talker, that was easy to pick up by listening to people… but reading and writing weren't something I was very good at.

Technically, coming into the academy, I didn't know how to write at all, and my reading abilities are still slightly more than sucky at best. I had never really thought much of it before, it always seemed like I was going to class thinking that we would finally start training to be _real _ninja, instead of learning all of the boring history and theory that went along with it.

If anything, it had just gotten more demanding. I was learning ninja stuff like how to throw weapons and gathering chakra (which I was still really bad at controlling, if I got a result at all), but the history and battle tactic lessons didn't go away. In fact, there were even more boring lectures and assignments on top of the real stuff that I wanted to learn. To put it lightly, I was failing, bad.

It hadn't mattered to me, until today.

I'm the son of the Fourth Hokage? The legend who defeated the Kyuubi and basically won the Third Great Shinobi War that Iruka-sensei was always talking about for hours? That should have made me a genius. I was supposed to be amazing at all that learning stuff, like Sakura. And I was supposed to make throwing weapons and gathering chakra easy, like Sasuke.

Instead I was worse at both than even Shikamaru, who only seemed to wake up when he was demanded to do something by Iruka.

My thoughts had carried me down several streets and a few alleyways. No one bothered me, no one ever did. They must know it too. I'm the son of the Fourth, but I'm not amazing like he was. Was that why they ignored me?

Or maybe they didn't know. That was probably it; I was just some stupid orphan kid that played pranks on them. I wasn't a genius like Sasuke from a amazing clan, so they ignored me. Didn't explain why some of them glared at me, but that could just be because I've pranked so many of them to get their attention, that they've really come to hate me.

I was no genius. But according to the Hokage, everyone outside of Konoha _really _hated my dad, and my mom too, I guess. Both of them were dead, and the old man had lied when he had told me he didn't know who they were. I had trusted him, and he just let me continue on, instead of pushing me to train he let me mess around and do what I wanted.

Did he not want me to be strong? Did he want me to die?

No. I couldn't believe that. The old man cared about me. Enough that he didn't want me to go with that Jiraiya guy out of the village where I could be killed. Maybe he didn't push me so I wouldn't draw attention to myself? That made more sense. If I was just the dead last, no one would care to even look at who my parents were. There would be no way that I could be the son of a Hokage. Hiding in plain sight. It was a good idea, but what happened if I actually _did _become a ninja? Wouldn't I have to leave the village on missions?

So I could be recognized. Recognized and killed. What was the old man thinking then? I want to be a ninja, but I don't want to die!

The familiar creak of my apartment's door reminded me that I was home. It was a small penthouse place in an apartment full of Chuunin and Jounin shinobi. None of them had families, and I had to wonder now if the old man let me move from the orphanage to here for my protection. It was like a little base of safety, every other floor was filled with potential guards if some assassin ninja type came to kill me.

Aw jeez, everything kept leading back to that. I didn't want to die. So the best idea then would be to get serious and train my ass off, right? I was the son of a great Hokage. That meant I couldn't be a total failure… but where to start?

I collapsed on my bed with a groan of frustration. Ten year olds could get pretty bad headaches, I was proof of that. Whenever I thought a lot about something, I got headaches. It was one of the reasons I tried not to think about stuff to much, unless I thought it was important. Looking back on it now, the way I lived my life left me pretty carefree. I avoided thinking about things too much.

Maybe that was the wrong way to go about it? Maybe I was thinking about this the wrong way. Wasn't one of the greatest skills a ninja could have was deception? Ninja were supposed to hide their skills, be devious, Iruka told that to us over and over. Hell, even I remembered him saying it. The academy forced us to show our skills off every day though, not that I had much to show.

That… could be the answer. With a pounding head, and a half resolved problem, I drifted off to sleep. Tomorrow would be the first day I would wake up with a purpose greater than pulling pranks and thinking of ways to get Sakura to go out with me, or for getting everyone to acknowledge me.

Deception… tomorrow would be the first day of the rest of my life, as a real ninja.

111

Before my alarm clock could blare for more than half a second, I had gently tapped a fist atop it and woke up, immediately taking in my surroundings. A ninja always needed to be aware of what was happening around him. It was one of the many rules in the Shinobi Code.

Paranoid, maybe. Still, learning to keep a focused mind when I was sleeping had helped me wake up when the Mist assassin had come for me a little less than a year and a half ago, and I had actually tussled with the Rock spy for a few moments, that had come not long after the last assassin. The ANBU took him down like all the rest before the fight could get serious. It made me wonder how many of those attempts I had slept through over the years. The silent watchers seemed to be outside my home at night, although they disappeared during the day while I went out.

It made me wonder about the old man. My last assassin had been a Rock ninja, a secret spy, but it was guaranteed she had been passing information about me to her village. Otherwise she wouldn't be a very useful spy. Didn't that mean that the Rock already knew I was alive? The son of the Fourth Hokage, despite my best attempts at concealment in plain view? Not for the first time, I wished that I had gotten my mom's hair color. Yellow just stuck out to much for a ninja.

I half snorted at the irony of that, considering I was getting dressed in the most garish outfit on the planet. Bright orange and blue, perfect for the class clown trying to get attention. I had come to like the colors over the years, but still, my disciplined inner thoughts had other things to say about what my wardrobe should look like.

You would think it would be easy, holding back. Being a ninja and acting a clown… sometimes I wanted to rip the hair out of my head in frustration. You know how tough it is to disappear in stealth training while wearing orange? It's impossible, especially when you add in sunkissed hair into the mix. Still, if I wanted to, I could get top marks in stealth at the academy, but I don't do anything well if I'm graded on it.

People don't think much of me, but just because I wear orange and have the brightest hair on the planet doesn't mean I can't hide them in two seconds flat. Flip the pants and jacket, toss a black beanie on, and suddenly no one can recognize you from the shmuck next to you.

My breakfast was a quick granola bar and water, not exactly the healthiest meal, but I couldn't cook for the life of me, especially with my temperamental gas stove and fridge. It didn't help that the vendors tried to foist their half spoiled 'fresh' food on me for full price. I mean, I know I was just an annoying orphan to them, but jeez… it had been years since I painted the entire market blue, shouldn't they have forgotten it by now? People in this village seemed to hold long grudges.

I still pull pranks, if only as an outlet of frustration and façade, but I try not to shit where I eat anymore. That means no pranking the shinobi supply stores, the academy, my apartment building, and the market. I rationalized that I shouldn't piss off the people selling me stuff. It seemed like a good plan, even two years ago.

Yet I'm still eating shit. How is that for gratitude? If I didn't hold on to the lame fading hope that they would treat me a little better for leaving them alone, I would probably prank the hell out of their asses. Shinobi were supposed to be emotionless, but that didn't stop me from keeping a mental tally of all the people who had screwed me over, over the years. Atop that list were Mizuki, one of the teachers at the academy who seemed to have it in for me, and Jiraiya of the Sannin, who was apparently my godfather but couldn't be bothered to stay in Konoha to teach me a trick or two. Maybe tell me who my daddy was, make me feel all good inside.

Yeah, I could be bitter as well. If you had no one to talk to, and spent your days training in secret to one day fight all the fights your father left for you, you would be bitter too.

I walked through the streets like I normally did, all smiles and practically bouncing. Today was a special day for any young academy student, it was graduation day. Of course, no one smiled back at me, and most just ignored me. The glares were there as well of course, but I could brush those aside without much problem after all these years.

I paused at the front yard of the academy, feeling a quiet headache stirring in the back of my thoughts. A smooth, practiced gesture swept a pill from one of my many side pouches and I deposited the aspirin and swallowed without missing another step as I entered through the academy's double doors. Over the last few years, I had taken many of the small white pills, using the prescription that the doctor at the hospital had given me after Iruka took me in after I complained about the chronic headaches that plagued me.

Apparently it really wasn't normal for a ten year old to get headaches. The medics couldn't explain them, but they were there, especially when I thought too hard. That seemed to really trigger them, although they popped up at random sometimes. The pills had helped a lot, enough to get me through anything that required me to actually think. Over the last few months, the headaches had dulled a lot. This was the first one I had gotten in over a week, and I wondered if I was losing one of the only constants in my life.

Pondering this, I entered the classroom, and saw that only a few students were seated already. I spotted the stoic Uchiha, most likely to be Rookie of the Year, sitting near to the front with an empty seat next to him. His fangirls were late to arrive today, apparently. I plopped down next to him and gave him a wide grin.

"What's up, bastard!" I said, loudly, on purpose. Predictably, Sasuke didn't respond, only turning his head to glare at me as a means of acknowledgement, and not a good one.

Ah well. I had long since given up on getting Sasuke, or anyone else in my class to see me as anything more than a clown. Less than half a year ago, I had cautiously reached out and tricked Sasuke into letting me hit him in a spar. The boy had been shocked, but immediately dismissed it as a fluke. The rest of the class, especially the Uchiha's fangirls, had been quick to agree. Even Iruka warned me not to get too cocky. I had slipped a textbook trick into an otherwise terrible taijutsu skill set, and no one had noticed a thing, not even the teacher. Obviously unless I screamed about my progress to the world, no one was going to notice that I was no fool.

Good. That was fine with me, for now.

It had taken me a very, very, _very _long time to find and correct all the mistakes that Mizuki had 'accidentally' made while tutoring me in taijutsu, as he had to do with all students who didn't have a family style. Without Iruka-sensei, I probably would have never found any of them. Mizuki denied everything of course, the lying, conniving bastard. Iruka believed him, but I knew that was just because the teacher was too nice, and too trusting.

The man honestly still believed I was a dead last, after all. Even after all that extra help I pleaded for him to give me over these last few years. Then again, I pretended to fail horribly, or to make marginal progress any time he taught me anything, so… I guess maybe it was justified. I'm surprised he didn't give up on me after half a year. The only real success I had ever shown while Iruka taught me was when he taught me how to read. It had been the first thing I had ever asked him. For once, I didn't just declare reading below me, or help below me, and actually asked for assistance.

The teacher's aide at the time had waived me off, saying that I couldn't get special treatment (like I didn't see him fawning over Sasuke earlier, to help him), but Iruka hadn't denied me. When the teacher saw how atrocious my reading and writing really were, he seemed to finally understand that I wasn't half-assing my assignments and tests all the time, I really _couldn't_ do them. Just like when I tried to learn on my own, the headaches began to pop up, but Iruka had found a solution for that, in the form of aspirin. It really made me realize that asking for help wasn't always a bad thing, and never a reason to be ashamed. People knew stuff that I didn't know. I wanted to know that stuff, if it was useful, so I should definitely ask.

School became a lot easier once I knew how to read and write like a normal kid (I think I'm a little better than normal now, but I don't tell anyone that.) It became easy to jump from a failure on all my assignments to a steadily passing student. I wasn't taking the world by storm with my knowledge of obscure dates like Sakura, but I never wanted to be known as a brainiac anyways. Now that I could actually understand what they were talking about, and not trying to piece together knowledge based on the words I understood, battle tactics and chakra theory became a lot more interesting. History was still a bore, but being able to recite the Second Hokage's first wife's name probably wouldn't save me in the field, anyways.

"MOVE, NARUTO!"

Ah.

Aha.

How did I know this was coming?

I turned to face a steaming Haruno Sakura, grinning widely as if the love of my life was standing in front of me. With shockingly pink hair and large forehead, Sakura and I would probably make quite a pair as a couple. Would the blond and pink mix? Or would one dominate? Did it even matter?

The chances that Haruno and I would get together were slim to none, any attraction I had for her was buried by my disgust. Sakura was arguably many times smarter than Sasuke, the resident class 'genius,' but she refused to acknowledge the fact that she might have to actually _train _to become a ninja. Then again, it seemed to be a common trait with the girls in the class.

"MOVE!"

Doing the easiest thing and feigning fear, I gave up the seat, "A-All yours, Sakura-chan." I said, putting the appropriate stammer in, "Hey, do you want to go out for ramen later? My treat!" I tossed it in, sounding hopeful.

She predictably growled and threatened me with a fist, which I quickly moved away from, heading to another seat. Sakura forgot about me to talk Sasuke's ear off, and I shuffled over to sit by the ever quiet and shy Hyuuga Hinata. The girl predictably blushed and looked away from me, and I predictably pretended to have no idea what that meant.

I didn't bother trying to get Hinata to talk to me. It was flattering, once I realized she had a crush on me. But at the same time, it annoyed me, because Hinata didn't know the real me, just an idiot who wore orange and pulled stupid pranks. Why would she like that kid, anyways? Frankly, that guy was retarded. Her admiration of my mask left me conflicted, and the fact that anytime I tried to talk to her, she would just blush, stammer, or faint. Sometimes all three. Where did that leave me in this relationship?

The princess, the clown, and the secret ninja. Sounded like a cheesy plot that they would base a movie off of.

Playing third wheel to Hinata and my idiot persona didn't appeal to me, especially when there were more important things to work hard at achieving. For instance, although I could pretend I didn't know how to fight, or speak, or ace tests, I couldn't hide the fact that I had huge chakra reserves. It was the first thing Iruka ever listed when he told me about my so called 'good' ninja qualities. I didn't have to pretend that my chakra control sucked. It took me more tries than I could ever begin to count to learn how to do Kawarimi and Henge. Bunshin took even longer, although it was supposedly the easiest one to master after you have a good mental image of yourself.

I couldn't use the clone jutsu without making ten copies of myself at least, and that was when I struggled, and concentrated, standing in one spot for half a minute to make sure I kept the raging flow of my reserves back, and keeping the mental image of myself in my head. Bunshin weren't meant to be split up into more than ten or twenty at a time. It was too difficult for an academy student to maintain the illusion, unless they had great chakra control or were unusually skilled at genjutsu. I was neither, but I _was _trying to hide myself and not stand out. Producing ten clones is _definitely _standing out, especially when someone like Sakura would probably collapse in exhaustion from making that many at one time.

In class, I've never produced a proper clone. I slam chakra into the technique and get my one dead looking clone every time, and I'm happy with that. I even laugh along with the class while they make fun of my ridiculous attempts. That Naruto, what a fool, thinking he can be Hokage when he can't even make a clone.

Well, it _is _pretty funny from an outsider's perspective, I guess. I don't really care, I know I'm not the clown they think I am.

For such an exciting day, it started off boring as hell. Iruka-sensei came in and gave us a droning lecture about how important the day was, and how if we passed, we would become shinobi of the great Leaf village. I could practically see the stars in my classmates' eyes, thinking about the glorious life that awaited them outside the boring academy. Even Sasuke had an unhealthy gleam in his eye. Only Shino seemed to have any stoicism, and Shikamaru was asleep.

I was bouncing in my seat, literally. "Hurry up with the test, sensei!" I predictably said, impatient to begin, "This is just one more step on the road to Hokage!"

My classmates jeered silently, and Iruka, of course, scolded me for my immaturity. Still, the written exams were passed out immediately afterwards. Sometimes being an idiot can work to my advantage, although most of the time it's just a bother. Win some, lose some, I guess.

I struggled through the written. Was that a good enough answer, or too good? What would be just enough to get by? My history was not as good as my knowledge of chakra and battle tactics, so I had to balance that out. I was the last one to finish the test, letting out a groan of frustration as Mizuki instantly took it from me when the allotted time ran out.

"I forgot my name!" I shouted, and the silver haired man rolled his eyes, but after a look from Iruka, handed it back to me, and I scrawled my messy signature across the top. Mizuki took it back once more, giving me another look of distaste, to which I maturely stuck my tongue out and made the 'neener neener' sound in response.

"Naruto! Show some respect for Mizuki as your sensei!"

Like I didn't see that coming. I shifted my scowl towards Iruka, looking pouty as I slumped back into my seat. Silently, as the tests were passed off to several teachers and aides to grade, I hoped that I had done enough to pass. If I failed the written, it could be bad for me. I had purposely tanked the last two graduation exams that were given at the end of the year, so unlike my fellow hopefuls, my spot as a genin wasn't guaranteed by just passing most of the sections. I had to at least scrape by on all of them or get kicked from the program.

I was probably the only student in academy history who ever aspired to become dead last (although I wondered about Shikamaru sometimes). Dead last was such a safe spot, because no one expected anything from you. Even when I showed flashes of brilliance, whether it was in taijutsu, weapon throwing, stealth, or answering questions in class, no one made much of it. It was just the dead last getting lucky. That title held power in it, it made people look past you, underestimate you.

I just have a gut feeling that it's going to keep me alive. But if I want to be a ninja, learning on my own was never going to be enough. I needed a sensei that could give me more time than Iruka had. A Jounin sensei, who would teach me all the stuff that Iruka wasn't allowed to, such as a clone technique that wasn't bunshin. Maybe learn a style that wasn't the academy's over predictable one without standing out.

Stealth was a breeze, because I knew exactly when I needed to get caught to pass. After three minutes of letting Mizuki walk around scratching his head looking for me, I 'tripped,' over a branch and was quickly discovered soon after. I even made the arguable case that Mizuki had placed the branch there under a genjutsu to make me fail on purpose.

Well, it was arguable in my head, at least.

"Naruto! You're up."

Ah, weapons. It was another easy one to just pass. I resisted to urge to get five perfect bulls-eyes and five wide misses with my kunai and shuriken, instead I spread them out to hit close to the targets, but not quite. I couldn't resist hitting one perfect bulls-eye in the middle, just to prove to myself that I could.

I will not argue against the fact that I am slightly vane. And insane.

Hey, that rhymed. If I was inane, then I would be a trifecta of sorts, but I don't know what inane means, so let's just leave it at a twofer. Difecta, maybe?

I chattered my way through the wait we had to go through before the last test. We had all piled into one room while a single student at a time went into the next room and performed the jutsu that they were requested to perform. I hoped it was Kawarimi, or even Henge. I knew I could BS my way through those two to just pass. I was nervous, and it showed in my voice, I think. The others only made a halfhearted attempt to shut me up, probably because they were nervous as well. I didn't really understand why, considering all of my classmates could perform the Basic Three in their sleep. They didn't share my worries, right?

Then again, maybe we're all just deceiving each other? It was food for thought, unlikely as it may be. Maybe I wasn't the only one hiding my true self. Maybe Sakura secretly was a taijutsu expert, or Ino could kill a man with her hair. Maybe Sasuke was secretly a jounin already with a fully realized Sharingan.

Maybe Shikamaru was a secret genius who just slept through class.

My train of thought paused there; I glanced at the snoozing Nara, that was actually pretty plausible when I thought about it. Shikamaru sometimes showed flashes of brilliance too.

More than two dozen happy classmates exited the room with their headbands, before I had my turn. I hate being an Uzumaki sometimes. Then again if I was a Namikaze I would probably be dead by now, ANBU protection or otherwise. It was probably for the best that I had my mom's family name.

I stepped into the next room, suitably nervous as Iruka and Mizuki stared me down. Iruka was shuffling through papers, which I recognized to be our exams. The scarred Chuunin briefly paused to look at one, before smiling at me.

"Not bad, Naruto!"

Damn.

"An acceptable score." Iruka nodded to me, "You must have studied hard to catch up on all the practical knowledge, I'm impressed! You must really want this headband, huh?" The man gestured at one of the few remaining shiny forehead protectors left on the table, all with the Konoha emblem gleaming at me, almost taunting in their brilliance.

"Y-Yeah…" I let out a weak chuckle, not sounding at all like my usual self. Inwardly I was berating myself for doing too well on the exam. Obviously I had scared myself into answering a few questions too well. It was alright, as long as I could make it up here doing Kawarimi or Henge poorly-

"Naruto, please perform the standard Bunshin jutsu."

Double damn. I slowly raised my fingers up in the common seal for bunshin. I had a choice, if I failed here, I might be able to wheedle the Hokage into letting me back into the academy for a repeat year… or I could perform the technique.

It wasn't even an argument, patience and deception be damned, I couldn't stand another year of the academy if I got paid to do it. After a half a minute of deep concentration, I said slowly, "Bunshin no Jutsu."

Ten perfect clones stared warily at each other, and at the teachers sitting at the desk in front of them. Both Iruka and Mizuki traded surprised glances, although Mizuki seemed more shocked than anything.

"Very good, Naruto!" Iruka said, smiling broadly. "It was a little slow, true, but I know you've struggled with this technique. Ten clones is remarkable progress! Exceptional even!"

Exceptional. Oh dear. Iruka had never called me that before, with good reason.

I nodded, giving a shaky grin. I hoped that they would pass it off as nervousness; I should probably be jumping around right now screaming about how I want to be Hokage or something.

"Iruka, it took him over half a minute to perform the technique." Mizuki found his voice and argued, which didn't surprise me, "Plus his other scores are abysmal at best."

"Nonsense." Iruka replied dismissively, his hand wrapping around a headband, "Naruto has tried his hardest the past few years to do better. Clearly he has shown a great amount of improvement." The man glanced down at my grades for the examination before saying brightly, "Naruto, I think with these scores, you aren't even the dead last!"

Triple damn. I took the headband and covered my wince up with a wide grin, managing to spout off a line about how a Hokage could never be the dead last.

Heh, triple damn. A damned trifecta. That was me.

Shit, I can't even fail correctly.

111

**My first attempt at a first person, go easy on me? It's not edited either, and I know the idea isn't exactly original. If people show interest, I'll continue and go back and edit. **

**For the headaches, I'm working on the premise that SharperV establishes in Time Braid, that Kyuubi's chakra intermingling with Naruto's had an effect on his psyche when he was younger. Its stabilizing, so the headaches are going away. When Naruto thought, he got headaches because chakra flow increased to the brain. Just a theory, but if there is one thing I dislike about Naruto is that sometimes he really is **_**that **_**stupid. I honestly think part of it has to be not enough love as a child. No joke, that shit can really eff up your mental development. I took a class and everything so I know that stuff and stuff.**

**Yeah… review?**


	2. To Fool or Not to Fool?

**Disclaimer: Naruto isn't mine, to my knowledge… if he is, I'm pissed, cuz I never saw a dime.**

**Okay, here's the second chapter. Once again, I wrote it all in one sitting… something I should really stop doing. I attempted to write it earlier in the week, but failed to get very far at all. I started over after writing a 5K skeletal outline of where the story would go. I had wracked my brain about teams and decided to do something different, and not everything will be revealed in this chapter.**

**Some people asked about Kage Bunshin, and the consensus was that Naruto should know it. Be comforted in the fact that he eventually will, and it isn't too far into his future, but it is not now, at this moment.**

**Also, pairings not going to happen for awhile. This isn't a romance centered fic, so if you're looking for twelve year olds going out on awkward dates, this isn't the place you're going to get it.**

111

For thirty minutes after everyone else had been picked up by their Jounin instructors, I jabbered incessantly at my new teammates, wondering aloud about mission possibilities, what this 'Kakashi' guy was like, and whether or not miso ramen was better than pork. But after another hour, even I fell into silent disbelief. And after a full three hours, I was seething inwardly.

The gray haired (not unlike the bastard Mizuki) jounin finally popped his head in through the door to meet the glares of three unhappy boys. Unlike my old and dislikable sensei, my new shit listed sensei had a mask covering up the lower half of his face, and for some strange reason he also pulled his forehead protector over his left eye.

It looked… kind of cool, I had to admit. Still, he was shit listed, no one kept me waiting for anything that long.

"My first impression of you…" I heard him speak for the first time, "I don't like you."

We stared. He continued by telling us to meet him on the roof of the academy for some kind of introduction and disappeared back out the door. The three of us glanced at each other in more than slight incredulity.

Kakashi didn't like _us_?

Nonetheless, we trudged up to the roof of the academy in companionable silence. Even I couldn't manage anything to say, something that rarely happened. I had a feeling that if I said anything, it would have been nothing more than a stream of expletives, so I kept my mouth shut. Maybe this was just a one time thing, and Kakashi had just been returning from a mission… there was probably a reasonable explanation for being late.

Three _hours _late…

We sat across from Kakashi on one of the many upper benches of the academy, the man stared at us in something akin to boredom. Apparently he didn't want to be here, and it made me wonder why he was taking a team, then. Then again I didn't know how teams and Jounin were paired up… maybe it was compulsory for jounin to take a team? That would have been nice to learn about in the academy, rather than what the Niidaime had for breakfast on Tuesday, a million years ago.

"Go on and introduce yourself." Kakashi said, vaguely.

Again, we glanced at each other. Warily, I started, "Uh… I'm Naruto."

The boy whose hair made his head look like a pineapple yawned, "I'm Shikamaru."

Last but not least, the avid brooder took his cue, "Sasuke."

Kakashi tilted his head at us, as if puzzled, "Well, I was kind of hoping you would tell a little more about yourself… you know, full name, likes, dislikes, hobbies, dreams."

"Why didn't you say that, then?" I asked, annoyed. The Jounin shrugged, so I just started the process again, managing my usual broad grin.

"My name is Uzumaki Naruto, I like training, ramen, and Sakura-chan! I dislike waiting for my ramen to cook, and annoying people. My hobbies… I guess training. And I'm gonna be Hokage!"

Sasuke snorted at my proclamation, I glared at him for good measure. Shikamaru went next, "My name is Nara Shikamaru, I like to play Shougi and watch the clouds, I dislike troublesome things, and my dream is to become a Chuunin and marry a woman who isn't too troublesome like my mother, retire when I'm sixty, and play Shougi until I die."

I think all of us were a little disturbed by Shikamaru's introduction. The boy didn't talk a lot in class, as he was usually asleep, but to hear his bland proclamation was a little strange. I never realized that Shikamaru had his whole life planned out. Ninja came to the morbid conclusion pretty early in their lives that they might not live long. A ninja hit their prime in their mid-twenties, usually, and after that you could only really go downhill. Ninja could only retire completely from the profession whilst in their mid-fifties, which left a lot of time to slip up and get yourself killed. I wanted to live as long as possible, but that didn't mean I had every detail planned. My first goal was to become as strong as possible, and to seem as weak as possible, for as long as possible. I wasn't thinking much past that, but maybe that was a mistake?

No, I decided, as Sasuke began a monotone introduction, I could start having hope about my life after I was strong enough to defend it from any enemy that came at me.

"…to kill a certain man." Sasuke finished while I wasn't paying attention. Kakashi began to speak again before I could think much of it, though.

Apparently testing wasn't over? Kakashi told us that we were going to do some type of survival 'training' tomorrow, and it was a test. Okay, training that's also a test, that only two thirds of us could pass.

Kakashi gave us what looked like an amused grin beneath his mask, "And don't eat anything, because you'll probably throw it up." Then in a swirl of leaves, he disappeared and left the three of us behind.

My first thought was that I had to learn that technique. My second thought was how dumb it would be to undergo any type of 'training' or 'testing' without food, whichever one it was. It wasn't as if I hadn't thrown up before, and while unpleasant, it wasn't something life threatening. What kind of survival training made a person throw up, anyways?

Sasuke immediately began to walk away while I was lost in thought, before he got out of earshot, I shouted, "Hey guys! Let's go get some ramen!" I said it on a whim, mainly. I usually never had company while eating, because when it came down to it, I was kind of a loner in the academy. The other kids hadn't liked me when we started out, and my attempts at friendship were rebuked whenever I had tried. The most time I spent with others outside of class were when Shika, Chouji, Kiba, and I, were skipping, or in detention.

As predicted, I was still rebuked. Sasuke stopped for a moment, snorted, then kept walking without looking back. Shikamaru shrugged, "My mom is making dinner."

I took that as a dismissal, and gave my own shrug and a grin, before turning to leave as well. His next words stopped me cold, though.

"You could come, if you want."

I turned around, shaky, "W-What?" No one had ever invited me to eat at their house before. No one ever invited me to do anything with them, before. I hadn't really expected anything to be different now that we were in teams of three; my classmates were still the same people as in the academy, why would it be different?

Shikamaru stared at me curiously, "Yeah. She always makes enough for two or three more. You could come over."

"Uh… no thanks." I managed, still thrown for a loop. New things and situations scared me, sometimes. I think it was because I was so used to planning every detail of my life, that I expected things to stay the same, to comply with my own beliefs of how the world worked, and my place in it. My place tonight had not been Shikamaru's dinner table, it was Ichiraku's alone, and then at home to spend the night alone. Maybe read a book.

Shikamaru couldn't hear my internal conflict; instead he just shrugged again and walked off with a goodbye. He was several feet away before I returned his farewell.

It was a slow walk to Ichiraku's for a meal and conversation with the old man and Ayame. I spoke and ate mechanically, trying to understand how being a team might change my life now. I didn't think it would, Sasuke obviously acted the same, and Kakashi seemed even more aloof than Iruka, despite only having three kids instead of thirty. I thought I would be left alone again, allowed to do my own thing, learn and grow in private, as I always had.

Shikamaru had always been that quiet lazy guy, who hung around with the fat kid. He was never openly hostile to me, but he definitely didn't approach me as a friend either. So now because we were teammates instead of classmates, it was a different situation?

I always prided myself on knowing what to say. Shikamaru's casual question threw me for a loop, I had no idea what to say. Was I just socially inept because of my seclusion? I realized at that moment, that I never really had a friend before. I always knew it at the back of my mind, but it was something painful, that I kept buried under a lot of training and pranks. I didn't let it get to me before. But now Shikamaru had reopened that possibility. He had brought the idea of it back to the forefront.

Like a desperate wave, it crashed back to the front of my mind, and I considered almost dreamily the idea of having someone close, someone to actually talk, instead of pretending to talk to. Someone to spar with other than Iruka-sensei or a tree. Someone to joke with, or hang out with when I didn't feel like training.

Could I even have friends? I had lived falsely for so long, was it possible for me to be close to someone and pretend as always? It came back to the timeless question, who would really take me seriously? My whole persona was built on dismissing me as a goof. I contemplated this for the rest of the day and well into the night, tossing and turning.

To fool or not to fool? That was the question.

111

The next day saw me waking up early, eating a good breakfast, and then heading to the training grounds. I wasn't going to let Kakashi dictate if I ate or not, I didn't even _like _the guy, I wasn't going to start listening to him. At least not until he proved himself worthy to be my sensei.

Its not like it took a lot to be worthy, all he had to do was teach me things that would make me stronger. Being a Jounin, Kakashi had to know some pretty cool moves.

Of course, he couldn't teach me if he never showed up on time…

If the first three hour wait was bad, the second three hour wait was just plain ridiculous. I complained loudly for two hours of it, and the rest of the time was spent pacing and fuming. Shikamaru slept through most of my ranting, and Sasuke stayed quiet, only telling me to shut up a few times. I think secretly, he agreed wholeheartedly with me.

When Kakashi finally arrive, I threw a kunai at him, at the last second making sure it went wide of his center. It buried itself into a tree a ways off from our location, and Kakashi stared at me in something akin to amusement.

"Are you really a ninja?" He asked me, I immediately began a long speech on how I was going to become Hokage, purely to annoy him. It did, and he cut me halfway through about how the first thing I would do was demote his ass to genin. Kakashi was slowly inching up my shit list, how did I get stuck with such a bad sensei?

My teammates hadn't eaten, so their stomachs growled throughout Kakashi's explanation of how we had to get two bells from him in two hours, and how only two would pass. The third apparently would be sent back to the academy, after watching the other two and Kakashi eat lunch.

Kakashi looked directly at me, during much of the explanation. Was he dismissing me so easily because he didn't like me? Or was it because I refused to break eye contact with him? Either way, I didn't like it, but I liked the idea of going back to the academy for a remedial year even less.

So much for being a team, it looked like we were already being split apart before we were even together. It seemed stupid to me, if I was being completely honest, but I didn't voice my opinion. Rather, the moment Kakashi said go, I attacked.

It was foolish, but it played into my personality to run at him screaming like a moron. Plus, I really wanted to punch Kakashi in the face, so it worked out too. The man didn't seem too bothered by my attack, waiting for me to reach him. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Sasuke retreat into the shrubbery, obviously to do the smart thing and wait for Kakashi to drop his guard. I couldn't see what Shikamaru was doing, but didn't really care at the moment.

I wasn't running as fast as possible at Kakashi, but I wasn't moving at a snail's pace either. I reached him and swung a wild haymaker for the bastard's face. Predictably, he moved out of the way at the last second and I struck nothing but air. He twisted around me like a snake as I stumbled forward, off balance. With the tip of his index finger, Kakashi pushed me down the rest of the way and I landed in a heap.

Kakashi chuckled behind me as I analyzed what had just happened, while spitting grass out of my mouth. The man definitely wasn't moving as fast as he could, as a Jounin I assumed he had to be way faster than that. If he kept up that speed and I caught him by surprise, I could probably get a bell away from him without revealing too much of my abilities.

It left another interesting question I had yet to decide upon. How much skill do I display to my new teammates and instructor? True, they were my comrades, but that didn't mean they couldn't betray me. The last few years had left me kind of paranoid, I think. No one really liked me, even Iruka at first, so I never trusted anyone with my secrets. The way Kakashi seemed to regard teamwork as unimportant, I guessed I wouldn't be telling him any time soon.

This would be a challenge, then. I slowly stood up, wiping grass and dirt off my shockingly orange clothes. When I turned to face Kakashi, however, I found him holding in one hand one of those adult books that I wasn't allowed to buy until I was 'old enough.'

I stared in disbelief for a moment as Kakashi read, apparently unconcerned about me, a recently graduated ninja. Maybe it would be easier than I thought, Kakashi was setting himself up to be distracted at a bad moment.

"Take me serious, dammit!" I screamed as I pulled a kunai out, rushing Kakashi once again like a maniac, whilst secretly planning for the moment I would luck my way into getting a bell.

"Very good, you've learned not to throw it." Kakashi mocked, obviously trying to rile me up even further, "At least you realize your aim is worse than a three year old."

"Your mother is worse than a three year old!" I spat back, quite aware of how pathetic it sounded. Kakashi chuckled and said something about how I was different than the others.

If only he knew how different. Swiping over and over with a kunai, I wanted to let him know. The shocked look on his face when I came out of this with a bell would have to be enough, however. I didn't have any jutsu in my arsenal to really fall back on. Henge took a few seconds to do perfectly, and was pretty much useless in this situation, and Bunshin was of course a fail.

I used Kawarimi a couple of times, just to prove to the man and myself that I wasn't a jutsu retard, but since he wasn't doing much to actually fight back, it didn't come up much. Kakashi seemed perfectly fine with defending against all my weak attacks, and exploiting the holes in my substandard taijutsu. He never went for anything that really damaged me either, mostly just shoves and trips. I knew the Jounin was just toying with me, and I was glad for it.

The opportune moment came just as Kakashi was turning a page in his porn book. With a frustrated yell, I jumped at him, but at the last moment I 'tripped' over a rock and fell. Arms flailing, I conveniently fell in line with the bells that were attached to his waist.

You know how frustrating it is to be so close, yet so far away at the same time? I felt that frustration in that moment, because just as I was securing a hand around both bells, Kakashi was securing a hand around my wrist and pulling it away. The man dragged my hand in the air, pulling me off the ground and within eye level.

For a moment, we just stared at each other, and I could nearly see the cogs churning in Kakashi's head, trying to figure out if it was a fluke or something else that had nearly allowed me to beat him.

"No, Naruto. You're definitely not like the others." Kakashi finally said, "You're not as smart as them."

With that dismissive remark, Kakashi casually tossed me away from him, and into a nearby bush. The last thing I managed to see was a wave of kunai and shuriken heading towards the man before I crashed into the underbrush with a disappointed grunt. I probably would have lay there for a few moments, if it wasn't for the strange squishy thing I landed on.

The squishy thing turned out to be an annoyed Shikamaru, who had apparently been hiding and sleeping in the bush. I crawled off of him with an apology, and I peered out to see Kakashi smacking a furiously attacking Sasuke around, much as he had with me before. I knew I could take Sasuke in a fair fight, even if the boy's jutsu repertoire far outstripped my own, but I didn't think I was that much better than the Uchiha boy. The black haired boy was fighting his hardest, but didn't seem to be having much luck against Kakashi either.

It was disheartening to watch, because Kakashi most likely wouldn't drop his guard as much around me again, even if he dismissed my near win as dumb luck. I simply didn't have a chance in hell to get a bell from Kakashi, I wasn't good enough to take on a Jounin.

I glanced at Shikamaru, who was snoozing again. The boy seemed uncaring about the fact that he could go back to the academy if he didn't get a bell. Kakashi had said if none of us got a bell, we would all go back. It was completely stupid to me, maybe Shikamaru thought so too, and just decided to quit right there and then. Shikamaru was the dead last of the year, since I so conveniently managed to avoid it (Who graded the stupid written anyways? My answers had clearly been subpar). Maybe the boy realized he couldn't get a bell.

Maybe he was just _that_ lazy.

Still… I wanted to pass. I glanced out again at Kakashi and Sasuke. At the moment, I thoroughly disliked both of them. I had gone for both bells for a reason when I was fighting Kakashi. I was going to give one to Shikamaru anyways; I didn't like the idea of a team of just me, broody, and the scarecrow. A lazy, possible friend, would be way better.

"Hey, Shikamaru…" I started, and the boy cracked an eye open, as I began to lay out my plan.

111

Kakashi had just finished with Sasuke when we attacked. I had managed to convince Shikamaru to join me in attacking the Jounin. The boy was more than a little reluctant, he really didn't care about getting a bell, but I insisted I would be doing the majority of the hard work. Kakashi had buried the Uchiha underground up the end with some kind of jutsu, one I definitely wouldn't mind learning. He was currently squatting, chatting with the angry Sasuke.

I took that moment to rush him, silently. Kakashi heard me, nonetheless, probably because of the rustling of the bushes as we had left them. The Jounin turned and caught the punch long before it would reach his face. I saw his eye track Shikamaru as he circled around us, and I knew we probably wouldn't have a lot of time if this was to work.

It was a simple plan, those usually went best, didn't they? Hopefully to Kakashi's surprise, I didn't try and pull away from him. Instead I wrapped him up in something akin to a hug, and said, "Now!"

Shikamaru's shadow snaked towards the Jounin at my command, and for a second, I had hope. I tried to distract Kakashi by pawing at the bells roughly, and he stopped me predictably. It must have taken him less than a second to figure out our simple plan. I had hoped it would be enough.

It wasn't.

Kakashi broke free of my grapple, and flipped into the air, holding me in place and letting Shikamaru's shadow hit me instead.

"You'll have to do better than that," He called as Shikamaru quickly released me. Kakashi disappeared into the forest, leaving the three of us alone.

Grudgingly, I dug Sasuke out. Shikamaru went back to laying on the ground, gazing at the clouds. As Sasuke muttered thanks and began to try to dust himself off, the lazy boy spoke. "You guys can try and get the bells by yourselves, I'm done. I don't really care about going back to the academy, anyways."

I stared warily at Sasuke, and he regarded me with much of the same distaste. For a moment I contemplated working with him, but before I could even make a decision, the Uchiha decided for me.

"You would just hold me back." He said, before leaving us to go find Kakashi.

That was the thanks I got for digging his ass out! I tried to convince Shikamaru, I wouldn't be able to stand this team at all without the other boy, I knew that now. Even If I got a bell, Sasuke and Kakashi seemed like they would be impossible to get along with, even if Kakashi seemed to be really strong.

Shikamaru would have none of it, apparently he didn't like the team any more than I did, and couldn't be budged to do any more to stay on it.

In the time remaining, Sasuke and I made a few more singular attempts to get the bells from Kakashi. Mine were especially halfhearted. I was resolved to head back to the academy too, I would just spend another year training alone. Not passing wouldn't look very good, but they couldn't kick me out completely either. Maybe the team I would be placed on the following year would be better. If nothing else, I could spend it working on my chakra control, and there was always speed training to do.

The clock finally ran out, and found me sitting with a apathetic Shikamaru, and a frustrated Sasuke who was tied to the post. I wondered why it was Sasuke and not Shikamaru tied to the post, but I quickly found out as Kakashi began to lecture.

"Unlike Shikamaru and Naruto, you didn't even make an attempt to work with the others, Sasuke." Kakashi said with a sigh, "Do any of you know the point of this little exercise?"

"There was a point?" I asked cluelessly, wasn't this just some dumb test that Kakashi had come up with to weed out the genin who didn't deserve their forehead protectors?

"Yes, Naruto." The man replied, as if it was evident, "The point of this exercise was teamwork."

For a moment, I didn't get it. Then it clicked and became so obviously clear that it was borderline moronic that I hadn't figured it out in two hours. I had been so focused on passing… I completely disregarded that Kakashi might not be telling the whole truth. I had just assumed that it was all a stupid test, and all the parts I disagreed with were equally stupid.

"How could it be about teamwork?" Sasuke spat, so much for his genius, "There were only two bells!"

"Yeah!" I mirrored. Stupidity deserved company, "That's so not fair, Kakashi-sensei!"

Kakashi dismissed our protests, with the promise of a second chance. Before he left, he told us that all we had to do was eat our bentos without feeding Sasuke, then we would get another try after we finished lunch. It sounded like a pretty good deal to me… but I glanced at Sasuke, who was stubbornly looking anywhere but our bentos, stomach growling.

I had eaten more than five hours ago, and was definitely hungry. Sasuke and Shikamaru hadn't eaten in even longer. While I contemplated giving Sasuke some of mine, Shikamaru took the decision out of my hands. After eating a few dumplings, he offered the bento to the tied up Uchiha. We both stared at him in surprise.

"You might as well eat." Shikamaru said, "If we're going to beat Kakashi, we should all be full. It will be troublesome otherwise."

"I thought you didn't care about going back to the academy!" I said loudly, but the other boy just shrugged.

"Kakashi basically said if one of us doesn't work with the others, no one passes. I don't care about failing, but I don't want to be the reason you two fail, it goes against my moral code."

Shikamaru had a moral code? I learned something new every day. With a shrug of my own, I also offered some food to the Uchiha. It only took one more growl of his stomach to accept the food. I had barely put the first dumpling in his mouth before Kakashi reappeared, looking angry as hell.

"YOU THREE…" He thundered, making me jump in surprise and drop the dumpling. For a second, I thought the man was going to kill us, not just fail us.

Suddenly the forming thunderclouds disappeared, along with Kakashi's rage. The man gave us a smile, his visible eye closing as his face became more cheerful than I had seen it yet.

"…Pass!"

What? By not doing what he said, we had passed? My head was spinning, and I was tired of these mind games. All I knew for sure was that Kakashi gave me migraines. I popped an aspirin as Kakashi began to explain his twisted logic. I glanced at the other two boys and realized that for better or worse, this was my new team.

Another year of solitary training was looking better and better, but now it was fleeting. I was stuck with a broody Uchiha, a lazy Nara, and a tardy, perverse sensei.

…Dammit.

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**And that's the second chapter. Wasn't as fun as the first for me. I think I'm just sick of the bell test. The next chapter will begin the really obvious differences from canon, and more will be revealed about the team situation.**

**Not sure when I'll update, it's really all about when I have time to write. It usually comes in random blocks like this.**


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